Anyone else hate their boss? Anybody else have a boss like mine where without fail, everyday you’re made to feel like crap, like you’re not good enough and you just don’t measure up?Continue reading “I hate my boss”
Anyone else hate their boss? Anybody else have a boss like mine where without fail, everyday you’re made to feel like crap, like you’re not good enough and you just don’t measure up?Continue reading “I hate my boss” →
So you’ve got some big goals and even bigger dreams to achieve? Consider those as your big rocks.
You can’t change the face of of your big rocks overnight. So don’t expect anything to happen immediately, you’re going to have to be long term focused to truly shift and change things.
This concept of big rocks is one I’m slowly thinking about as I consider what it truly takes to transform a life.
Addictions are also big rocks, so are any other habits, good or bad that we’ve consistently held for so long that now we struggle not to enact them.
I won’t be able to erode an addiction in the short term but with constant action, meditation and attention to it, slowly and surely I will erode it.
Actions are like water, they are the substance that eventually cause big rocks to dissolve.
I’m still developing this concept more so we’ll see where it all leads but I’m certainly intrigued by it and it helps me with my sobriety.
I’m grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful to have great friends and family. I’m grateful to be employed. I’m grateful to have dreams and aspirations that this pandemic hasn’t destroyed even if it’s delayed some of it.
My friend sent me a message yesterday, a very simple one. Keep going he said. That was all I needed to hear.
Writing this blog on this occasion is to help keep me sober. I’m not paying attention to the readership although I appreciate anyone and everyone who stops by.
So I often just assume that nobody is reading that way I will keep my intention pure. I’m doing this for me to become better.
That said, when you get a message that tells you that you’re doing something right and you should keep going, it’s encouraging to say the least. So, bro, if you read this, thank you 🙏🏾
I have much to be grateful for. Much to be hopeful for. Much to be expectant about even as the start of this year feels like an overspill of last year.
It will pass.
It always does
But gratitude has staying power. Long after the gesture, the experience and even the person has gone. Your gratitude for them, for it can still remain.
It’s a choice
I don’t have to wait for something incredibly amazing to happen before I choose to exercise my gratitude, in fact I don’t have to wait for anything at all.
I can just choose to find things to be grateful about.
I’m grateful for my sobriety.
I’m grateful to be alive
I’m grateful to whoever reads this.
Today I’ve been thinking a lot about things I have no control over. It seems as though in England we are about to go into another full blown lockdown. Not that right now is any different to what that would mean but I guess there was some hope of finding a new normal soon.
I’ve worried myself thinking about the possibility of being made redundant, losing my job and not being able to look after myself.
Job hunting in this current economy feels like a daunting task and I had to remind myself of how fortunate I currently am to not have to deal with that.
I’m currently on secondment which will be wrapping up by end of February and I worried about whether I would get a renewed contract with this team or not.
I thought about my dad travelling to Africa during this time and I worried for his safety and safe return back home.
I morbidly began to think about what would happen in the eventuality of the unspeakable regarding my parents. Would I be prepared? Would my family? We have no clarity on what to do in the event of…XYZ.
All of these worries are things I can’t control. Losing my job through redundancy is a luck of the draw, it’s all dependent on what’s happening within the business and whether what I do at my company is considered worthwhile to keep me around.
My concerns about my parents are also for the most part out of my control. I can’t determine anything happening to them just like they can’t control anything happening to me. Our transition from this life unfortunately more often than not will come as a surprise to us and our loved ones
But, what I can do is be as prepared for that ultimate eventuality by having the necessary conversations with the right people so that I know what needs to be done and they know what I would need them to do as well.
It’s hard to accept that there are so many things we have no control over, so many things we can’t change. It’s very hard to accept that and be at peace with that.
I think this is where my addiction springs into action. It wants to be in control. I want to be in total control of something in life and I guess I’m in control of something that really has control over me (read it a few times to make sense of it)
My addiction gives me the allusion of control while imprisonment is really what it’s offering me.
I become a prisoner to it, a slave to my lust, a captive to my obsessions and fantasies.
Today, what I realised is that I have so many conversations to be had. Conversations that I’ve held myself back from having for fear of what it would mean for me and the people involved.
Yet, I now realise that the more I withdraw from having these conversations, the more I run to pornography and lust and comfort food and emotional eating and binging on tv to sooth my unmet and unfelt needs.
As a result, I feel numb. I numb myself to the pain as well as the joy. Wanting one yet afraid to experience the other.
I accept that there are things I can’t change. I acknowledge that there is not much I can do about much.
And accepting this fact brings with it a sense of freedom. Since I can’t change so much, I can live life within the parameters of the little things I do have control over.
As I’ve heard it said many times before. Do your best and forget the rest.
You once genuinely loved this people
You once spent all the time in the world with them
These people were your friends. A family away from family
A place to call home
Inevitably, life creeps in. You all become busy, some of you become successful, others….not so much
Ego creeps in. It suddenly becomes competitive rather than complimentary partnerships
Words get said, pages get turned until those that you once held dear and close to your heart are now on a completely different page to you
And all the while your time continues to be taken up by things that in the end rarely will you be glad you spent so much time on
If you’re lucky, one of you will make the effort. One of you will wisely drop their ego and reach out to a friend
We all need those friends that love us despite our shortcomings. Friends that stick with you even when you’re behaving unreasonably
And if you’re wise as well then you begin to make the effort to find time, to not allow life to drag you away from everything that truly matters
Find the time
Make the time for the people who make your life feel that little bit more better, more enjoyable. Complete
“I’m pregnant” I tell her
She’s tickled by the thought
“Your stomach isn’t flat, that’s for sure but you don’t look pregnant” she responds through bouts of laughter
“I’m not talking about my weight, I’m literally pregnant”
She stops laughing long enough to contemplate what I’m actually saying and suddenly she has a confused look on her face
“But you’re a man” she finally says Continue reading “Dream Killers PT One” →
“If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially” Ernest Hemingway
I don’t know what you’ll make of that quote
To be honest, I don’t know what to make of it either Continue reading “Bend – Don’t Break” →
It’s all your fault
All of it
Imagine that. Every entire thing that ever goes wrong in your life being 100% your fault, your stumbling block, your responsibility. Continue reading “Unreasonable Responsibility” →
‘Hard work will always beat talent if talent doesn’t work hard” – I’m sure you’ve heard that statement or a similar statement before
Motivational quotes are easy to come by, the internet is littered with them, heck this blog attempts to serve as somewhat of a motivational tool – to who? That remains to be seen as its only been seven days since I started posting so building this audience is a very long way off Continue reading “Trust The Process: Talent Is Overrated” →
“I’ve done too well” Dave Chappelle admits from the very beginning of his Netflix comedy special Equanimity
“you know, if you black in show business and do too well, its scary. You got to get the fuck out of the casino while the getting’s good, while you’re still winning. if you dont walk away from the table, thats how niggas get Kevin Harted” he concludes his opening remarks and with that I’m only too aware that i’m about to experience a no-holds bar of comedy infused with political and social truths Continue reading “Dave Chappelle: Netflix Special – A Study In Mastery” →