It could always be worse, be grateful that it’s not.

Day five

I’m grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful to have great friends and family. I’m grateful to be employed. I’m grateful to have dreams and aspirations that this pandemic hasn’t destroyed even if it’s delayed some of it.

My friend sent me a message yesterday, a very simple one. Keep going he said. That was all I needed to hear.

Writing this blog on this occasion is to help keep me sober. I’m not paying attention to the readership although I appreciate anyone and everyone who stops by.

So I often just assume that nobody is reading that way I will keep my intention pure. I’m doing this for me to become better.

That said, when you get a message that tells you that you’re doing something right and you should keep going, it’s encouraging to say the least. So, bro, if you read this, thank you 🙏🏾

I’m grateful

I have much to be grateful for. Much to be hopeful for. Much to be expectant about even as the start of this year feels like an overspill of last year.

It will pass.

It always does

But gratitude has staying power. Long after the gesture, the experience and even the person has gone. Your gratitude for them, for it can still remain.

It’s a choice

I don’t have to wait for something incredibly amazing to happen before I choose to exercise my gratitude, in fact I don’t have to wait for anything at all.

I can just choose to find things to be grateful about.

I’m grateful for my sobriety.

I’m grateful to be alive

I’m grateful to whoever reads this.



45: Make The Time

You once genuinely loved this people

You once spent all the time in the world with them

These people were your friends. A family away from family

A place to call home

Inevitably, life creeps in. You all become busy, some of you become successful, others….not so much

Ego creeps in. It suddenly becomes competitive rather than complimentary partnerships

Words get said, pages get turned until those that you once held dear and close to your heart are now on a completely different page to you

And all the while your time continues to be taken up by things that in the end rarely will you be glad you spent so much time on

If you’re lucky, one of you will make the effort. One of you will wisely drop their ego and reach out to a friend

We all need those friends that love us despite our shortcomings. Friends that stick with you even when you’re behaving unreasonably

And if you’re wise as well then you begin to make the effort to find time, to not allow life to drag you away from everything that truly matters

Find the time

Make the time for the people who make your life feel that little bit more better, more enjoyable. Complete

Be well


38: No Pedestals

Nobody is perfect so if you want to be, better think about how to become a nobody….

Okay, that’s a pretty lame joke but it’s tinged with a lot of truth

I have a tendency in relationships to place someone I’m interested in on a pedestal which frankly they probably didn’t ask for and if they did, that would be a major red flag

Don’t place anyone on a pedestal

They are just human. They do things they wish they hadn’t, they get embarrassed, they lie, they have hoped and dreams just like you and me

Placing them on a pedestal or bestowing on them characteristics that they do not have or have yet to demonstrate is a dangerous game and will only go to hurt you in the long run

I’ve recently started crushing (again) on a friend who was respectful and clear that she didn’t feel the same way, the first time I felt how I felt

My mind has been thinking about whether now could be a better time than last time, I wondered if she’s involved with anybody and that thought alone triggers an emotional reaction

That’s a red flag – on my part

I need to deal with that before it hinders my progress and social development in life

Truth is I will probably always feel something for her but the pedestal has to go

To place her on that level while ignoring my own worth is not only unhealthy but it’s equally unattractive

Why do I write all this?

Because it’s what I’m currently feeling, to write anything else would be tantamount to ignoring myself – another red flag

If you’re gonna have s pedestal that you place anybody on, try a higher power or a purpose or mission that inspires you to become that best you can be

Otherwise, no pedestals for anybody, including yourself. Don’t be a narcissist- you guessed it….it would just be another red flag

Be well


Dig Deeper

I remember Shawn T screaming at me from the TV to dig deeper during insanity and max 30 work outs

It’s like he knew I needed to hear that at that very moment

I was at the end of what I thought I had within me when Shawn encouraged me to search even deeper and find more energy from inside to make it through the work out

If you’ve ever completed Insanity or Max 30 then I’m willing to bet you know exactly what I’m talking about Continue reading “Dig Deeper”

Time Changes Every

At one point in time, I thought I loved her

At one point in time, she caused me a lot of pain

At one point in time, I thought I’d never speak to her ever again and yet all this time later, there we were giving each other warm hugs as we meet for the first time in a long while

“So, how’s life been?” She says – she’s smiling, eyes are still as bright as I remember them, pretty much everything about her feels the same, in a good way

But yet, everything’s changed

All the bad feelings I harboured because of her are fully gone. Now she’s a friend, a genuine, warm and accommodating one at that

I told her to meet me after work because I knew ‘we’ tend to talk at length but I didn’t expect the time to fly by so quickly, 5 hours in a blink of an eye

And we still had more to say, just not enough time

How quickly things change

Perhaps this was what we were always meant to be – I thought and felt differently before but somehow she always knew

I wonder what else I could be very wrong about?

I wonder what else, in my life, time will come and rectify or transform?

I like to tell people “it gets better” because I want to believe those words to be true

The truth is, it doesn’t always

Sometimes it gets worse

It did with me and her, it got really bad, we completely couldn’t be around each other – or was it, I couldn’t be around her?

I couldn’t stand the pain – I didn’t like it or appreciate it at the time but it did cliche ‘make me stronger’

I just couldn’t see it at the time

We talk simultaneously at times, without missing what the other person is saying

She wants to know how the films are coming along and when I’ll release anything

I want to know about her business and how she’s holding up

Marriage and relationships inevitably comes up. It’s no longer awkward

There’s a lightness to our talk and yet we talk openly and deeply about what’s really going on

I notice that we can now communicate more authentically than before

Time changes everything

Whatever phase you’re in now

It will change

Time can be wasted, invested or shared but it can never be saved

It keeps moving forward

And so should we


If Necessary Use Words…

How many times have I tried to convince someone of something using logic and reason?

How many times did I feel like the conversation was one sided because I was doing all the talking and because my victim was silent, I assumed they were listening

People don’t care how much you know – I used to finish that line with the following ‘until they know how much you care’ but I don’t agree with that anymore

People don’t care how much you know or care about anything period, how can they? They can only experience life from their own lens

If someone is a racist and cared deeply about their ideology and could spout reasons why they think the way they do, would that make me care about their opinion- No

If someone promises to love you for better or worse but treats you like garbage, should you believe me? No

Just because a preacher preaches holiness from the pulpit does not mean they embody those values in their private lives

A movie star playing a hero or heroine is just playing a part written out for them. Do not expect them to be that in real life

I’ve slightly gone off course here and I don’t feel I’m making the point I wanted to make

Here’s the point

Let your actions do the talking/preaching/lecturing

Live in such a way that your entire life is a message, an example and guide for those interested enough to imitate some of what you stood for

Talking won’t get you there

Talking rarely got anybody anywhere, unless it’s deep communication where a problem needs to be addressed and rather than ignoring it, you deal with it head on and have the necessary conversation which is actually not talking but rather taking action

Talking is when you tell your colleague how much you dislike your manager knowing full well they can’t do anything about it

Talking is proclaiming your dreams to people that can only say ‘hey that’s great’ at best and at worst, discourage you. They can’t and won’t invest in your dreams so why are you investing so much time telling them and then get angry when they don’t react the way you hoped they would

Talking is complaining with people going through the same thing as you, knowing full well nobody in the group has the capacity to change anything

Talking is preaching to the choir

They already know

Go out into the world and reach those that do not

Don’t preach to the choir

Don’t preach at all

Unless your preaching is done through deeds and actions

A young preacher was sent out to the world by his local church and he was understandably nervous and worried

Would anybody listen to the gospel? Would anybody convert? Had the church wasted their money sending him rather than someone more experienced?

After months of living amongst people who lived very contrary to himself and clearly possessed opposing world views, the young man was discouraged

Why was nobody listening to him? Why couldn’t r help them change what he saw as destructive ways? Couldn’t they see it or at least hear the gospel he was preaching?

That God loved them, died for them and one day wanted them to reunite with him in heaven

Who doesn’t want to go to heaven?

These people!

They just didn’t care, even when he though he was getting through to them, he clearly wasn’t because nothing ever changed

He discounted the fact that he never interacted with them outside of preaching at them

He never took the time to learn their culture, understand their ways and why they believed what they already believed, no, that wasn’t why he was sent

It wasn’t his job to love them as they were, what would be the point in that when he already wanted to change them?

In a final act of desperation he wrote a letter to the senior pastor of his home church, it was very short and to the point “I don’t feel like I’m making a difference, everyday I feel like quitting, you’re my last hope, please tell me what to do”

A few weeks later he received an even short message “preach the gospel son – and if necessary, use words”

In other words, through your actions and deeds, people will see your message

It’s a tall order, especially for me an aspiring storyteller

But actions do speak volumes louder than words


Measure Twice – Cut Once

I hate making mistakes

It took me a long time to get to the place where I could even own up to my mistakes rather than passing the blame on to someone or something else

I still pass the buck from time to time but for the most part I’ve learnt that it’s to my benefit to own up to the mistakes I make because as cliched as it may sound, it’s the only way to truly learn and grow  Continue reading “Measure Twice – Cut Once”