Day Thirty One
I could stop there. That is as true a statement as any. Taking too long, pondering and overthinking leads to analysis paralysis. An inability to act because you’ve thought things through too much.
I did this a few years ago, I set myself a target to write every day for an entire year. I achieved that.
In 2021 I am doing that again for an entirely different reason. This year I want to write every day for a year to help me stay sober
I’m not an alcoholic. No I addicted to lust and no longer want to be. I watched porn for a decent amount of my life and I no longer want to. I’ve thankfully stopped doing that since the last quarter of last year and I want to stay sober all of this year.
This year I want to commit myself to the inner work necessary to living the life of my dreams.
This year I want to embrace my fears and be okay with rejection.
This year I choose to choose myself and bet on myself instead of anything or anybody else.
To do that, the first place to start is clarity. Clarity in what things I can change and what things I can’t.
There would be no point in fighting hard to change anything about me or my life if those things are essentially unchangeable.
Thankfully I can change my addictions, I can let them go and move on. That’s an empowering thing to know.
To say 2020 was a difficult year would be a slap in the face of an understatement to the world and all that we collectively went through. The effects and impact of last year will linger for many years to come.
But this is a new year and with a new year always comes a new hope. Hope that with the new year will be new opportunities, open doors, a fresh start and hopefully a fresh perspective.
This is my day one. I’m grateful for it and I pray I make it to the end of this year having become a much better man and person.
I feel poorly and under the weather and felt like this is a perfect time to do nothing
This blogging goes from feeling like a burden to feeling like a habit
But until I feel better I reserve the right to no write a single thing if I don’t feel like it
So I won’t be writing a thing if I don’t feel like it
I’m writing this to inform myself not you
I made a commitment to write daily no matter what but I want out of that commitment because I’m not in the mental headspace to keep to it
I’m not in the physical headspace
So this is a way for me to give myself an out
Wouldn’t it be nice if our life paths were all pre-determined?
How much simpler would things be if at some given age – let’s say 15 years old – you open the mailbox to find your personalized Life Map, laying out all of the major decisions you’ll have to make in life well in advance. It could tell you things like:
• What kind of education to get.
• Who you’re going to marry.
• Which career to pursue.
And everything else that we tend to agonize and second guess ourselves over until we wish someone would just make the decisions for us.
Everything would be pretty straightforward.
We could do away with all this doubt and wondering what to do with our lives.
We’d just follow the plan, and everything would turn out fine.
The only problem?
You would become unfathomably bored.
We humans like to think we’re simple, but the reality is we’re actually rather complicated creatures.
There are 6 things that humans need in order to be fulfilled.
3. A feeling of importance
4. Love & Connection
You don’t need to read past number 2 to realize we contradict ourselves even on our most basic desires.
Certainty and variety?
We need both to be happy.
Too much uncertainty, and we get anxious. We feel overwhelmed and bogged down by choices.
We feel lost in the woods without a path to guide us, never sure what’s up ahead or if we’re even headed in the right direction.
If you’ve ever felt that way, you know it can be debilitating and discouraging.
You become paralyzed by inaction, because you don’t know which action to take.
And yet you feel dissatisfied where you are, because you’re not making any progress.
On the other hand, having too much certainty can be just as bad.
When people know exactly what’s going to happen in their lives, they tend to lose interest.
Things become repetitive. We simply go through the motions, no longer engaged in what we’re doing, no longer learning or adapting or acting on impulse.
This is why so many marriages become stale and jobs become mundane.
We’ve stopped surprising our partner and growing with them; we no longer find our work a challenge.
Fulfillment lies somewhere between certainty and variety.
If you really had all the answers, life would become unbearably boring.
So rest assured that not knowing everything is absolutely okay.
When you feel lost in life, you’re usually not as far off track as you think.
And the best place to start is exactly where you are.
It all comes from decisions. Start by making one right now to move forwards.
The direction doesnt matter as much as the motion.
Even if you’re heading down the wrong track, you can use the momentum to correct course later.
You can’t steer a stationary ship.
At any given time we usually have a few ideas in our heads for things we could be doing.
The problem is we’re too scared to actually pick one and make a move on it.
Choose one of your current ideas, preferably a small one, and commit to it.
Decide that you’re going to act on that idea and you’re going to follow through.
It could be something as small as waking up early every morning to go for a run, or going to a seminar you’re curious about.
Don’t do anything too drastic this early on.
The goal in the beginning is just to get moving and shake the rust off your wheels.
After you’ve made this decision and followed through, try it again with another one.
It can be slightly bigger this time. Once you see that one through, try it again with something bigger.
What you’re doing is investigating your interests that have gone ignored, while at the same time building confidence in your decision making.
There’s a good chance that one of your ideas will materialize into something more – an area of interest you hadn’t thought about, a skill you didn’t know you had, a connection that can help you get started on a new path.
Eventually – and I can’t say when exactly – you’re going to look around and realize you’re heading somewhere.
You might not know exactly where just yet, but you will know that it’s somewhere new, and most likely somewhere better.
The evidence will be undeniable.
You’ll be making progress, even if you don’t know exactly what you’re progressing towards.
You don’t need exact GPS coordinates for where you’re heading.
Your inner compass will tell you whether you’re moving in the right direction or not.
That’s all you really need.
Remember that if you did have exact GPS coordinates for your destination, if you did have everything laid out for you in an easy to follow guide, that you would lose interest very quickly.
None of us knows exactly where we’ll end up. That’s what makes it all so interesting.
As Steve Jobs said: You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.
Keep moving forward, trust that the dots will connect for you, and one day you’ll look back to see they did.
I live with a flat mate
I’ve known him longer than I haven’t. I enjoy his company very much. He makes me laugh as a true friend should and he advises and counsels me, in the only way a true friend would
I’m reminded that life is much better lived and enjoyed when spent in the presence of great company
Enjoy, appreciate and cherish those around you, who make you smile, who allow you to deal and cope with life more easily
Great company makes everything much better
I’ve been ‘away in business’ for the last week
I didn’t travel too far, just up to Scotland to help the team
It’s been great to be away from my day to day workload, I’ve had little to do up as I’ve played the support role rather than the ‘manager – leadership’ role
I realised a few things that I’ve struggled to admit to myself or perhaps I’m still a little unclear about where I stand
Either I’m burnt out or tired of doing the same thing over and over again
Yet, that feeling doesn’t seem quite right as when I really think about my job, my team and the company I work for, hand on heart I can honestly say I enjoy all of it. I’m comfortable there
And there it is
There lies my issue. The nagging feeling working my last nerves….the discomfort I feel with being too comfortable
Life shouldn’t be lived with inertia. It shouldn’t be lived so comfortably that growth slows down and then stops altogether
Being comfortable is a double edged sword of its own. It feels great but eroded your inner strength, your inner fight and resolve to resist and reject mediocrity
Being comfortable takes it all away and what you’re left with is….let’s face it, boredom
There’s worse things to be than bored but that doesn’t make boredom acceptable
Time to start breaking this lovely comfortable bubble that I’ve built and get back in the game
It’s time to get back in shape – in every sense of that word, mental, physical, emotional and yes…..spiritual too
Bubbles are made for bursting
Time to burst mine
My friend and business partner thinks my writing has become depressing
He has a point to be fair
And to be even more fair, he only mentioned that after I was telling him that I feel a little brunt out with all the writing
So burnt out that I barely noticed when I skipped a day of blogging yesterday
It’s true to say that I maybe have ran it of things to express
It’s also true to say that human beings can adapt. We are nature’s greatest adaptation creatures and we thrive under stress
So, it’s time to suck it up and adapt. I wrote about pushing through, now it’s time for me to do that or at least find a way to do that
Right now, I can only think about word count and writing longer pieces with more insight
I feel like I don’t have time for that amount of work but that’s exactly what I need
It’s time to adapt
So I’ll work towards that. Watch this space
For the longest time, the last thing I’ve wanted to do is write
I don’t like what I’m currently writing about
Inspiration left the building maybe 50 blog posts ago, if not longer
But I write
Even if it’s just a few sentences at a time. I’ll write what I can. Daily
But what I’m now challenging myself with is the push through
It’s no longer enough to say inspiration has left me but hey look at how great I am that I’m still writing something
There must be substance to my writing, I must push through the lack of inspiration, the lack of motivation and genuine interest in writing
Pushing through is what we all need to do if we have any hopes of getting somewhere, anywhere in life
The irony is that closely related to pushing through is letting things be
Life will take us through so many twists and turns and lead us to some unexpected destinations
We do ourselves no favours when we try to force things to happen that life just doesn’t want to allow
So, push through yes. Do everything you can to get wherever it is you’re seeking to go but then…..let it all go and see where life takes you
I’ve been dealing with a cold for the last two weeks…flu like symptoms, headaches and chesty coughs
I’ve been sent to Livingston Scotland to support the team up here
Writing seems to be low on my priority list. I have no motivation for this. Thankfully I’m fully initiated to the fact that motivation or feeling motivated is not what gets the job done
So I’ll crawl before I can walk and write whatever I can
This is it
I wrote as much as I could