Day Seventy Five
I find myself in a middle space of waiting. Things I’ve been waiting for are happening but they haven’t fully landed yet so I find myself in this awkward, often frustrating place where I’m not sure what is going on or where I’m at.
Thankfully, the secondment I was on has turned into a full time permanent role which is what just a year ago I would of told you I absolutely wanted (I still do). Only, the difference now is, once you’re on the other side of it, once the thing you wanted now becomes a reality, your perspective changes.
I find myself feeling unskilled, underdeveloped and lacking understanding of what I should be doing to be useful for my new team. It’s not a new feeling, I felt this inadequate when I joined my previous team. I remember looking at my colleagues, observing how skilled they were while comparing my lack of skills in the process.
This space isn’t new.
Starting over again is never easy, at least for me it’s never easy because I like to be competent in what I’m doing. I like to feel like I’m adding value, not just taking up space.
That transition space is difficult for me at times
I’m grateful for all the opportunities that are coming my way, truly grateful for this new role as it’s a major step up and a growth area for me. 2 years from now, I reckon (and I’m banking on) my growth and development will be astronomical.
That’s what I’m hoping for, shooting for, aspiring for and one day, I hope to look back and say ‘I did it’, it happened, I am now a more evolved individual than who I was in 2021.
The transition is a process.
It’s not something you rush through or run away from, let alone complain about it. It’s an interesting part of the road because you’re not quite who you’re evidently becoming but you’re also no longer who you used to be.
I’m in transition and there’s nothing wrong with that. I just got to keep on moving forward.