Day Fifty One
Tell the truth or at least don’t lie
You remember that time someone did something to you, but you decided not to say anything because you didn’t want to cause an issue? What about that time when you really wanted to say no but because you didn’t want to upset the other person, you said yes instead?
Those moments may seem innocent and inconsequential, but I am now slowly learning that they are not. They are as important as anything else we do or experience in life and here is why.
Every time you shy away from being honest with yourself and others, a little bit of inner courage fades away from you. You become more of a people pleaser, worried and concerned about what others think of you.
And why would this be a problem? Well because it would make it more of a dependent person, heavily influenced by and reliant on the opinions of others.
And why would this be a problem? Well because the more reliant you are on others, the less inner fortitude you will have within yourself to think and act according to what you want vs what you think others want for you to want (I think that makes sense, did it?)
Dependent people get walked all over. I know this from experience. In past relationships, because I wanted to desperately be in one, I was more amicable than I needed to be, didn’t express my displeasure enough and would end up being walked all over because ultimately what I failed to do was create sufficient boundaries.
People pleasers have no boundaries and a person without boundaries is inviting themselves to be trampled over by people who have no consideration for others. And the truth is, why should they? If you didn’t care enough about yourself, couldn’t respect yourself enough to decide what you would and wouldn’t stand for, what you would and wouldn’t allow to happen, why should anyone else.
The old cliché saying goes ‘we teach people how to treat us’ by what we tolerate and allow.
So next time you find yourself frustrated, disappointed or even have a minor dis-ease about something, do your future self a favour and speak up about it. Nip it in the bud early so that it doesn’t grow into something worse.
You manager doesn’t seem to respect you or what you do? How do you know this is true if you’ve never asked them? So why not ask them directly “do you respect me? Do you foresee growth and progression for me at work?” and put them in the hot seat where they have to scramble and look for the right words to say to appease you.
At the very least, you will know where you stand sooner and wont have to keep replaying certain incidents in your mind.
Are you developing an interest in someone? Ask them out or let them know immediately so you don’t build things up in your mind, I was the champion of unrequited interest. I would become friends with women who ultimately didn’t feel the same way about me as I did them and I could of found this out sooner had I just spoke up sooner.
“but it will be awkward” I hear you say, “nobody is that direct straight away” your mind says but what you are really saying but not saying is “I’m afraid to be hurt if things don’t go my way” and here’s the thing with that: things may very well not go your way. The person may not be interested and yes your boss really and truly doesn’t respect you or your lack of work ethic.
But guess what? Now you know – now you can move on to someone else more suitable for you who will return your interest. Now you can work on not having such a poor work ethic at work and become more productive, no, not for your boss’s approval but for your own sense of self respect.
So tell the truth or at least don’t lie and the first person you should do that with is the person you see every day in the mirror.