49: Scrambling….Venting

Trying to find my footing

Nothing feels steady, stable or solid. I’m walking in shaky ground and it’s all an internal thing going on

I’ve recently noticed that I’m harbouring a lot of anger lately. At what? I don’t know – or perhaps I do know but don’t want to say

But I am angry….maybe it’s the ‘I’m angry with God’ type of anger. Frustrated with life and my perceived lack of progress….or is it more likely my ingratitude?

I’m working around the clock, perhaps burning the candle at both ends and I’m beginning to feel the consequences of that

I look around me and all my friends are getting engaged, married and having babies and I feel stalled in my progress

My life seems to be taking a completely different direction, a path that I wouldn’t of chosen for myself, a path that I don’t like and definitely do not want

My career is always at the beginning stages, always an ‘almost there’ type of vibe, no matter what I achieve, no matter how big the accomplishment….it never seems to make it across to the fullness of ‘I did it!’ ‘I made it’

Stuck

Sick of being sick and way to tired to even consider that I’m tired….I’m fatigued. Drained by the nonstop thoughts that circulate my brain

I’m genuinely happy for my friends. Genuinely. That (thankfully) will never be an issue. I rejoice in their good fortunes and blessings

I guess I only want to give them the opportunity to do the same with me. To be genuinely happy for my own fortunes and blessings

Time changes all things

All I can do is be still. Allow these feelings to wash over me like I know they eventually always will

And hopefully once they do, I will be that much better a person for having endured

We should all vent from time to time

Even if it’s to strangers you’ll never meet 🙂

Be well

SRZ

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