Self honesty: Day Six

I woke up at 5am today

Hotel living meant that I didn’t have water nearby so I had to go to a local store and purchase it since the hotel kitchen wasn’t open at that time

So I went and got some Doritos, a little chocolate and two large bottles of water

Came back had the crisps and ended up falling asleep again as my day didn’t start until 9:30

I decided that I wouldn’t have any soup or any of the diet chef food today

Didn’t have breakfast because I was late as usual and once I got to work it’s pretty much all systems go until I finish

A lunch trip to Wagamama which felt well earned, a cinema trip to watch Jurassic world after work where I had a large hot dog and some of my colleagues salt and sweet popcorn, I think it’s safe to say I used up another of my cheat days

I also got a quarter chicken and 3 wings as a take away from Nando’s after the film

Why do I write all of that? To relive my failure to stick with my plan?

No, far from it

I write it all out because I’m aware that not to do so would be the equivalent of lying to myself

Without self honesty and the ability to accurately and fairly assess one’s self then all we’re left with is the illusion of progress

We essentially become self deluded

That’s not good for anyone and it’s definitely not good for a person like me

Visions and ideas of self grandiosity run rampant in my head, in many ways I’m already a self conceited person

Lying to you the reader, which in the long run is only lying to myself, enhances my self delusions and self deceptions

That’s a fast track to a life poorly lived, full of regrets, excuses and unfulfilled potential due to high levels of self destruction

Which for me would only drive me to self medicate by eating even more and more and the harsh cycle would continue

Hence the honesty

Self honesty is the antidote

It’s the cure

It’s the hardest, most bitter pill to swallow, that self check up in front of our own internal mirror

Please believe me when I say I also recognise my many good if not great qualities and attributes- after all, we all have them

I’m just also aware of my short comings too and the need to be honest about those so I can perhaps one day overcome them or minimise them

So another cheat day – 6 days to go – I have to bare in mind that hotel living isn’t the best time to start a diet

So I’m proud of myself for making the attempt

Be well

SRZ

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