I’m done with this blog
I’m not getting the results I want from it quick enough or at all and I find it very frustrating to say the least
I don’t think about it half the time but when i do, i think, why the hell am I committing to something that doesn’t seem to even be working?
I care too much about likes and whether people visit this blog enough that in many ways its interfering with the writing itself
I now think about what I should write to get the most likes and hopefully turn those to a bigger following but in thinking like that, I become less creative and less excited to write anything
I don’t want to do this to please you
I hope when you do visit and read that you will enjoy it, relate to it and leave feeling whatever that particular piece intended for you to feel but if you don’t, well; its not the end of the world
Writing daily is a commitment I made and I plan on sticking with but its currently serving as a daily reminder that no matter what I do, this thing wont budge, it wont move forward
It’s also serving as a daily reminder that I can run out of ideas really quick
The screenplay I’m working on is going so slow
It’s like although the ideas are there – it will take more than inspiration and good ideas to complete the project. Then, when the story is finally written (which it will be) I’ll need to figure out how to get it funded, casted, crewed and produced
You would think having done it a few times already that by now I would find the process easy – yeah the mechanics are – I know what to do and how to do it
Doesn’t mean I’ll always feel like doing it – I’m realising that I hardly ever feel like doing any of this stuff. I just like how it feels at the end when its all been accomplished
Nobody talks about the amount of emotions you will go through just to get yourself to do what you know you want to be doing. People act as if going for your dreams is only ever inspiring and motivating
what about when it feels burdensome?
What about when it feels pointless because your can’t connect the dots looking forward and only hindsight is 2020
What about the doubts, the frustration and the outright laziness you can sometimes feel towards doing anything productive for yourself
What about the desire for a quick fix? – When you compare yourself to others and they seem to make it all look so easy in comparison to your wheezing, out of breath self who can hardly keep up
Survival of the fittest?
Perhaps another way to say that is survival of the non quitters
Truth be told, everybody is tired
Everybody encounters setbacks and delays and obstacles but those that keep on keeping on eventually make it across to the finish line – not because they were the fastest, strongest or the most skilled but only because they just kept on going
So i remind myself that it doesn’t matter what I feel in this very moment – my feelings are too fickle to be fully trusted
The only thing that matters is my commitment
My commitment to not quit
Eventually, i’ll do more than survive
And so will you, just keep going and don’t quit
Exercise: rest day
writing: 1.5 pages
Tomorrow is another day!