Advice Everyone Should Follow (not really)

You hate your job?

Quit (hate that word? Resign)

Don’t like or get along with those people?

Stop interacting with them – tell them why – “it’s not me, it’s you”

Feel too fat?

Stop eating so damn much and perhaps try that thing all those crazy people do in that building where they all seem to be sweating and stuff…

Hate being broke?

Live within your means, save whatever you can, invest whatever you can and learn how to earn more

So far so good right?

It gets EVEN better

Hate being alone?

Figure out why before subjecting another person to your unhappiness thinking a relationship will fix you

Hate being in a relationship?

Decide whether breaking up is the solution or if it’s just you yet again expecting something outside of yourself to make you happy

Now it gets good

Want to be famous?

Make a sex tape and release it (make sure people actually want to watch it) – hey, I’m not the one seeking fame, do with it what you will

Hate being or feeling dumb?

Too bad, you are dumb and there’s nothing you can do about it

okay fine, pick up a damn book – who said education ends with school

You want real change, real transformation? Then take that major leap into the unknown, without a plan, parachute or rope – the thin air will catch you, besides everybody knows landing on hard concrete is fun

No need for baby steps, easing into things is for cowards, precaution is for genitals – and even then it doesn’t feel as nice

uproot your life and move countries because you feel bad in the moment

Make a career change? Never! Everybody knows you can only get rich by working at the same place all your life and never trying to grow

Don’t like your spouse, order a new one on eBay

Hate your kids? meh, they’re replaceable. Dump the current losers and go find new ones, make sure the new ones are cuter than the last and will agree to everything you demand otherwise – dump them too

Run away from your problems, they will disappear eventually

If you keep your head in the sand and never pay attention to anything, you will be very successful

Whining and complaining is super attractive and will make you lots of money (whine and cheese anybody?)

Jealousy and manipulation are the bedrock of any successful relationship

Hard work doesn’t pay off, ever! Do you know what does? Stealing other people’s ideas and profiting off their innovations

If you’re not stalking them, then it’s not Love, if you ain’t trying to control them then you clearly don’t care enough about them

If you’re not a self made millionaire by age 16 then you’re a loser (but you already knew that)

Be offensive on purpose just for the sake of it like I have with some of the great advice given on this post

Write a pointless blog post like this one just for the sake of it

Finally, most importantly- don’t take me or yourself too seriously

Life’s too short

Enjoy your weekend:)

SRZ

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