So today I did nothing but yet a lot went on
I had no flights, no place to be and nothing to film, having landed and got back home at 2am earlier today, it’s fair to say I was tired
I fell asleep by 3am but was up again by 6:30 which is strange because normally, even with a full schedule for the day, I struggle with waking up so early
So why the hell was I up so early?
well, truth is, something was troubling me internally
The details are irrelevant because they help nobody but what I think may be worthwhile is the thought process that went through my mind all day today
What is your centre Serge?
What keeps you grounded?
Yes I speak to myself sometimes and often ask myself questions but it’s only in recent years that I’m learning to ask better questions of myself
The better the questions you ask yourself, the better the life you’ll lead….but that’s a blog post of it’s own – I digress
So, I came to a few realisations, I’m sure more will continue to come to me as I mentally chew on these internal questions but one of the things I realised is connection to loved ones is very important to me
loyalty is key for me – both to show it and to receive it
Without that, I don’t have a centre to ground myself to – it’s as if the ground becomes anything but solid and stable
I realised that I have a great core group of people that I consider something more than just ‘family’ – they are my centre, the people that keep me in place even when or better still, especially when everything else seems to be falling apart
Nothing externally is falling apart for me at the moment, in fact just the opposite. But I’m learning that external trappings of so called togetherness and ‘success’ are nothing in comparison to being a ‘together’ person inside
Need I give examples of so called successful people that took their own lives or self destructed in multiple other ways?
Having it all together on the outside is inconsequential in the long run – all the success and status in the world is worthless if you don’t have any peace of mind, contentment or any number of internal qualities that in my personal opinion make life worthwhile
The mind can make a heaven out of hell or a hell out of heaven – I think Shakespeare said that one….more eloquently I’m sure but hey, aint nobody got time for eloquence when feeling off centre
So there I was, lying awake and feeling like a fraud because I know a part of me is having the time of my life right now with the filming and flying around America and yet another part of me just doesn’t feel it
Those two sides needed to be aligned, balanced and centred – to ignore one would be to essentially ignore myself, which, again, in the long run would be very unhealthy
So I silenced myself for like 10 seconds (it’s all I could manage) and lo and behold, I felt a little more grounded
Bestie wrote something about me on her blog – we’re in different time zones so we haven’t spoken in a minute…it was a beautiful post – a little more grounded
Finally, I dealt with my inner world head on and had the conversations with the relevant people that I knew needed to be had but I kept putting off and lo and behold – completely grounded
I realise I am grounded when, and only when, I remain 100% true and honest with myself and then act accordingly. It’s sad to lie to others but it’s tragic to lie to yourself – is what I’m learning
I don’t have it together and I’m okay with that now – I realise that I will never perfect this life thing but I will get better and better at it everyday
Since the birth of Mankind, we’ve been trying to figure this life thing out and nobody that I’m aware of has accomplished that – guess it’s okay for me to a part of the crowd with this one
So, what keeps you centred?
What keeps you grounded?
Is it the image your project to the world? is it your outward success? or is it even your inner peace? All of which will constantly shift and change on a day to day basis
I’m learning I need something deeper than that to keep me anchored and grounded or maybe I just had too much time on my hands which always results in too much thinking for me and that’s not always a good thing
who knows – I don’t care to not have concrete answers. Just happy to be asking better questions