No Strings Attached

letting go.jpg

“Sometimes you piss me off!”, her voice is usually gentle and warm

Not today

“You know what Nicole, like, right now I don’t need to hear” I begin before Nicole interrupts me (again)

“And the thing is, it doesn’t even matter what I say because come next week, or next month, you’re gonna be right back here again, doubting yourself, not believing in yourself and allowing another girl to walk all over you. what’s wrong with you?”

I can feel her anger across the phone

Best friends have a way of cutting through the superficial and speaking to the core of your dysfunction.

Mine is an unhealthy need  and desire to be loved

It feels like a crippling weakness and certainly not manly in any way

She knows this about me

How can she not? she’s my best friend, the keeper of my secrets, the witness to anything good about me and my voice of reason when I lack wisdom

I’m grateful to have her, this is one attachment I’m happy with

Her love for me is fierce, protective and nurturing

I try to return the favour but always fall short. It doesn’t matter, I’ll keep trying. Connections like these only come around once in a lifetime and being of opposite genders, we’ve had to decipher what our relationship was really about. I once thought and felt romantically about her, she pushed me away

She later felt we could be more than just friends, I no longer did

We didn’t speak for years

When we finally reconnected, we were both more mature, self aware and willing to accept what we are for what we are

we are other 

Not plutonic – not romantic – just other

The love is real though and in another version of reality, our timing wasn’t off, we got on the same page at the same time and we’re now married with kids, she bosses me and the kids around and I keep her centred

But in our reality: we.just.are

And that’s okay

Everything we will ever be is what we already are now

There will come a time when we will no longer speak as often ,if at all, because our respective spouses wont understand or appreciate it

That will be okay too. We’ve already discussed that and put a plan in place

That’s a great attachment

But that’s not what I want to write about, I just got caught up on a tangent that went on way longer than I wanted it to: such is the influence of Nicole


Today i was thinking about the things that hold us together, in place and help us make sense of our worlds

Family, friendships, lovers and work

Each playing a significant part in shaping our worldview. The lens through which we see and interpret the world and our part in it

Most of us will be fortunate to have attachments that support us, validate who we are and encourage us to become more of who we truly are

Unhealthy Attachments

But we all have or know someone dealing with some unhealthy attachments

Most are easy to recognise

*verbal, physical, mental and emotionally abusive connections

*dead end jobs that that make you question your self worth and ashamed of your bank account balance

*Internal mindsets that defeat you before you’ve even started

*Not accepting unreciprocated affections and holding on to false hope

All the above and more are unhealthy attachments that anyone experiencing should seriously work towards letting go of

Cut the strings

Walk away

In 2018, you don’t have time to stay connected to attachments that do not serve you in any shape or form

How do you walk away?

One Step at a time

Start with yourself:

*set higher standards for yourself and how you show up in this world

*Having clear goals you are working towards is a great way to stay focused

*Move your body: walk, jog, run, lift, push, pull – do something to get the dopamine circulating around your body. it will make you feel good

*Let go (different from giving up) of plans, ideas and expectations that are no longer feasible

*Don’t give up: on yourself firstly but also on everything else that matters to you. Just keep adjusting your approach until things happen

I’ll stop there even though I barely scratched the surface but to continue would be too lengthy and time consuming. I’m actually writing a new screenplay which I aim to direct and produce in 2018 so time is limited

“did you hear what I said?” Nicole asks me

I realise she’s been talking for a while but at some point my mind drifted away so, no, I didn’t hear what she said

“erm, yeah, but repeat that last part again, just so it sinks in” I reply

“I love you no matter what but you need to learn how to love yourself and walk away from things that don’t serve you. until you can do that, you’ll keep repeating the same mistakes”

I’m silent for a while and then I finally say

“I love so much, you know that right?”

“I know” she replies

Some attachments are priceless



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